43 Lessons I’ve Learned in 43 years


  1. Communication is key. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation to state your feelings, needs, wants, etc. Have the hard conversations.  There is growth, learning, understanding, and forgiveness there.
  2. Louboutins have been by far the worst purchases of my life.  The worst.  They’re pretty and all, but don’t do it sis.  
  3. You are separate from your kids. Don’t let them suck up your whole self. Listen, they’re super important, for sure, but hang onto yourself and your individual identity. Don’t be 100% defined by parenting.
  4. Same for your job. 
  5. Same for your marriage. 
  6. You don’t have to listen to new music if you don’t like it. They don’t call it an “oldie but goodie” for nothing. I still listen to 80s-early 2000s music like it just dropped yesterday. 
  7. Let go of grudges. They weigh you down. You don’t have to talk to that person anymore, but stop festering about the thing.  Forgiveness is more about you than it is about them.
  8. Taking time to slow down is really the best thing ever. The pandemic taught me. 
  9. You can multitask just about anything in the bathtub – listen to podcasts, read books, make lists, pray – and it’s the perfect place to find some peace.
  10. Always apologize when you’re wrong, never for who you are. 
  11. Know and acknowledge your flaws.  Everybody has them, but don’t make excuses for them.  “That’s just how I am” doesn’t really fly.  Work on them sis.
  12. Make yourself a little hard to reach sometimes.  Everyone doesn’t need access to you all the time. 
  13. Say no kindly, firmly, and often _mg_9647
  14. Tears and laughter really are the best medicine. 
  15. Not everything needs a response. Sometimes silence IS the response. 
  16. Happiness is an inside job. It’s no one else’s responsibility. Joy is a choice. 
  17. You can never take too many pictures. They capture moments that last forever. Print them and make tons of photo books. 
  18. Classic, feminine, and elegance are always “in style”. But we all have a little inner ratchet that we need to tap into occasionally. It’s called being multi-faceted darling. Okurr.
  19. Use sunscreen. Everyday. 
  20. Everyone has a story. Give people a lot of grace, but don’t excuse the bad behavior, especially when it’s at your expense. 
  21. Everyone is fighting a battle, even if it doesn’t look like it…sometimes especially when it doesn’t look like it.  Again, grace. And mercy.
  22. You don’t have to be around hurtful people/family…but you do have to pray for them. And know that you can love them from a distance. 
  23. When you get the opportunity to dress up, take it! And go all out. 
  24. Physical touch is essential and powerful. The pandemic taught me. 
  25. If you don’t like it trust your doctor, find a new one! Your questions need to be answered. Your concerns should be addressed. _mg_9636
  26. Words have the power to hurt, affirm, and manifest things. Choose them wisely. 
  27. Love is not a feeling. It’s an action.  Love often!! 
  28. You are what you eat—physically, spiritually and emotionally. 
  29. Sequins aren’t only reserved for nighttime or special occasions. Wear it to brunch or to the office if you want. 
  30. A classic coat or dress will never go out of style. Never. 
  31. Always have a party dress on hand. 
  32. There’s no need to wear what everyone else is wearing. Having your own style, however bold it is or not, makes you stand out. 
  33. Learn to take a compliment. even if it’s a compliment on a body part, hairstyle, etc. that you don’t like. Thanks sis! 
  34. Injuring yourself now happens when you yawn, sneeze, turn your head, or move any part of your body suddenly. _mg_9645
  35. Adults need routines too. They make for easier days and nights. 
  36. Figure out what you can do and stop talking about what you can’t do.  Here is also where there is power n the pivot and ability to adapt.
  37. Don’t live life in the future (i.e. when I get rich, when I lose weight, when I get a better job etc.) It only keeps you locked in a box of what ifs and excuses. 
  38. You can’t help anyone, if you’re not happy. Put your oxygen on first before helping others, like on the airplane. You can’t pour from an empty cup sis. 
  39. Take others opinions with a “grain of salt” because everyone lives their lives based on their own experiences
  40. Be nice. Your kindness will always be remembered. And never take for granted the kindness of others.  No one has to be nice to you.
  41. A smile is same in any language. Smile often.  
  42. Never stop learning. A language. A new hobby. 
  43. While the physical aspects of aging are mostly heriditary and unchangeable, a great deal of it is in your control. Your age is a matter of your outlook on life. Your determination. Your perspective._mg_9632-1_mg_9627Photos :: Kim Thomas

Cheers to 43 years and another year of fabulous!!!



  1. Angelique
    August 15, 2020 / 6:18 pm

    I enjoyed this. Happy Birthday

    • Quaneshia
      August 15, 2020 / 10:46 pm

      Thank you!!!

  2. LaToya
    August 15, 2020 / 7:13 pm

    Very beautiful, very well thought. Deeply received. Enjoy yourself today! Have the very best Birthday ever

    • Quaneshia
      August 15, 2020 / 10:46 pm

      Thank you so much!

  3. Channon
    August 15, 2020 / 7:27 pm

    This was so good. #3 cold sprung on me. I was that parent and when my children became adults I was lost. Happy Birthday Q. Thank you for the gems you dropped today.

    • Quaneshia
      August 15, 2020 / 10:47 pm

      Thanks so much for reading.

  4. Twana
    August 15, 2020 / 9:10 pm

    This was so perfect. Happy Birthday!

    • Quaneshia
      August 15, 2020 / 10:47 pm

      Thank you! And thanks for reading.

  5. Twyla
    August 15, 2020 / 11:08 pm

    I love this list!!! Some of them stepped on my toes, but we’re definitely what I needed to hear. Thank you for taking the time to share.

    • Quaneshia
      August 16, 2020 / 8:30 am

      You’re so welcome!

  6. Jackie Scott
    August 16, 2020 / 10:54 am

    I LOVE IT! Every last one of them, but where were you with 3 & 5 before I had to learn the hard way? I was lost once my munchkins became adults. Happy Birthday again!

    • Quaneshia
      August 16, 2020 / 8:18 pm

      I still don’t know how I’m going to handle it but I know I’m going to handle it. Lol

  7. Melissa
    August 17, 2020 / 10:24 pm

    Another great post with lots of great advice. It’s very easy to forget about yourself and just go day to day. As well as get into a rut. Thank you again.

    • Quaneshia
      August 23, 2020 / 7:28 pm

      Always welcome!!

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